 
 
      
  
  
pretensions last resorts blood relatives shits & giggles love|hate faux pas random person wet dreams? if you're bored tea playboy's lost bunny
Images: I Brushes: I Hosts: I, II |
nobody came after me, the night everything went black. not even you. i should have known. it was a bad start masquerading as a false one. i should have known. i am the one to blame for the wreckage confronting us, but your hand was guiding me through, holding it as we drove this to disaster. the answer is somewhere; it's not under my feet, it's not under your chair. if neither of us has it, maybe it was never there. i loved your lies, i loved your mind.i bore your secrets with patience. Were you even real, because i've been known to get it wrong. i won't let it kill me this time. if this is what you want, i want you to have it, I'll give you back somewhere out of here. I can't remember how it went. You looked like everything I wanted, but as you came along, slowly everything had begun to change. I got you now. Wipe the tears away. it'll never be enough just talking about it,or screaming about it. I want to know if you were real, i'd hate to think i'd been fooled again. i'm useless and reeling. stumbling out of the wreckage, we look at each other with accusatory looks and blunt anger. arming ourselves with clenched fists and gritted teeth, we walk away before we explode on each other. When the dreams run dry there will be some blood. We had both burned. when it came i thought the world would stop and witness the event; halt and mourn the wreckage. But they all saw it coming. It barely caused a stir. 5:00 moved to 5:18 and i was still standing. another hour and i was still waiting. i was still smarting. in the middle of paddington, all was frenzy and chaos. an outward manifestation of my innermost emotions. my eyes were watering. it must have been the cold and nothing else. my heart was pounding. it was just the waiting. the music i had on were dirges that in the present context, lent empathy. i didn't want to cry, i had no reason to do so, so i brought my coffee cup to my lips and tilted it upwards to hide my eyes from everyone. On the train i sat next to a strange woman who got even stranger as she delved deeper into her sudoku puzzles. in a moment of anger she scratched at the newspaper surface furiously with her ballpoint pen ,almost lashing the paper into shreds. Her breath was putrid and i had no choice but to turn my head away. an hour into the train ride, when we reached stroud or something, the flourescent lights on the train brought clarity. If it was love, like i believe it was, the true understanding of the word would be to have no expectations of being loved in return. After all, love is selflessness .isn't it? i felt my fists relax as i looked after you as you turned and walked away. The disaster before us seemed a fussy heap of nothingness now. You didn't turn around as you followed the straight and narrow path. Soon, you became a distant figure disappearing into the horizon. I stared at the wreckage once again and noticed something you had left behind. Whether intentionally or by accident, i treasured it all the same. |
