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Images: I Brushes: I Hosts: I, II |
to see a car wreck and pass it off as an everyday occurence.to look at the mangled body peeking from under the tires and make it seem in an odd way beautiful. it is difficult not to feel and just live without thinking, going day by day as if you were in a movie and nothing around really matters that much. speaking practically and sensibly as if my life depended on it because this is the way it is meant to be. i do this because people have a way of making a life so lonely. because i learnt the hard way and because i still don't understand. there's an awful lot of breathing room, but i can hardly move. i decided not to wake up today. Decided to just give myself time to die just a little bit. lying restlessly in my bed, i refused to open my eyes, listening for the phone. But nothing came. so i just lay there. and lay there. till it was 5pm and i decided life must go on. As i was lying in my bed, it occurred to me how this is nothing strange. How i have been through this all before, but like all the others, there will be no closure to this. pride,self-respect,whatever names they give for this choking feeling that prevented us from saying good bye, consumes me too. But goodbye is not enough,it will never be enough since it was never preceded by something substantial. confusion shall be our closure, and with it, i dont understand i dont understand i dont understand. i know this will all just be a phase,and like most things in life,it will die off or fade off or fuck off but i'm just in limbo now and getting used to the silence. |
